To build social connections, buy experiences, not possessions

To build social connections, buy experiences, not possessions

Amit Kumar

As Aristotle suggested, humans are “social animals.” We have a fundamental desire to belong. But we live in a time when the U.S. Surgeon General has warned about an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. A lack of social connection can have a negative impact on both our mental and physical health. So how can we foster the sense of connection that is so essential to our well-being?

Over the past few years, my colleagues and I have conducted scientific research suggesting that experiential purchases (such as travel, dining at restaurants, outdoor activities, and recreation) tend to make people feel happier than material purchases (such as clothing, furniture, and electronics). In recent work, along with psychologists Thomas Gilovich of Cornell University, Thomas C. Mann, then at Harvard University, and myself, we have explored another downstream effect of spending money on experiences rather than things: they can enhance our sense of social connection.

We conducted 13 experiments with 1,980 participants. While the specific approach of each study varied, in several experiments we asked participants to think about experiential or material purchases and rate their thoughts and feelings about those purchases on a 9-point scale. In several studies, people reported feeling closer to others who had made the same experiential purchase than to those who had made the same material purchase. Owning the same T-shirt or sneakers as someone is an interesting coincidence, but hiking the same trail or watching the same performance makes us feel closer. ConnectedOur experiments suggest that it is. This reflects the fact that experiential purchases are central to personal identity. Our data shows that people feel more similarity and affinity to others who purchase the same experiences as them because they believe that this type of consumption tends to express a truer, more essential sense of self.

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Moreover, these findings also hold when considering how people perceive their experiences. differentParticipants were asked to think about a situation in which they met someone who had made a similar experiential or material purchase, but the other person’s purchase was better or “upgraded” in some way. (For example, if the material possession was a necklace, participants thought of someone who had purchased a more expensive necklace than them. For experiences, this might mean that someone had better seats at a concert the participant attended.) Even in these cases, experiences are more likely to foster connections between people than material items.

Knowing that others have something better than you creates a sense of social distance. But we observe that this distance feels less widespread when it comes to experiential purchases than it does with material purchases. In the realm of possessions, where uncomfortable social comparisons and material arms races are common, people may find it easier to find common ground and connect with others through similar experiences.

We also found that experiential consumption fosters a broader sense of social connection, not just among those who made similar purchases. People who thought about the experiences they acquired, rather than material goods, reported feeling a broader connection to humanity. For example, they were less likely to agree with statements like “I feel very distant from people” and “I feel disconnected from the world around me” when they thought about experiences compared to when they thought about material possessions.

Finally, we found that after thinking about a satisfying experience, people had a stronger desire to engage in social activities than after thinking about important possessions: Participants who were asked to recall experiential purchases were more likely than those prompted to think about material purchases to choose social activities over solitary activities when asked how they would like to spend their free time.

Experiences connect us to others and provide memories of connection that people can revisit. These memories, in turn, can inspire participation in further social activities. Even after the money has been spent and the experience has been consumed, experiential purchases live on in the social relationships they foster.

One clear takeaway from this study, as with much of the research on experiential spending and well-being to date, is that people are likely wise to lean their spending more toward “doing” than “having.” But our research also points to another implication. Communities can benefit in a variety of ways from encouraging experiential pursuits. For example, policymakers can support access to public parks, beaches, and museums. As the National Endowment for the Arts has highlighted, increasing funding for arts and performance spaces can be a way for communities to continue to connect people through shared experiences. Our research suggests that such investments can start a virtuous cycle. Directing resources toward more community engagement could drive improvements in societal well-being.

Are you a scientist specializing in neuroscience, cognitive science, or psychology? And have you read a recent peer-reviewed paper that you would like to include in Mind Matters? Send us your proposal. Scientific AmericanDaisy Yuhasz, editor of Mind Matters dyuhas@sciam.com.

This is an opinion and analysis article and the views of the author are not necessarily those of Scientific American.